If you are reading this story(series) for the first time, start from “Beginning of love – Part 1.”
ishq par zor nahii.n, hai ye vo aatish ‘Ghalib’ // ki lagaaye na lage aur bujhaaye na bane
It was break time, also known as recess. Even today I am not a big fan of breaks, I prefer taking my breaks when everyone is working, however this was not possible in school. I would always be near the class room. Would fool around near the door and stand like a road side gangster.
I had an obsession with these gangsters. Anyone who is from Bombay has had this crazy obsession at least once in their life. They have a cool life, lots of money and yeah, people are scared of them. Anyways this is a love story. Back to break time, I was near the class, one guy enters, goes to her desk and stuffs lot of chocolates and packet of some eatables. We didn’t have mobile and all the freaky gadgets to impress girls. Cadbury or even Melody (Inti chocolaty kyun he) would do the magic. I am like what’s wrong with this guy. In a boarding school everyone knows who is who. I knew this guy and frankly I didn’t like him since class 1. That’s a long time of not liking someone. He just gave me one more reason to hate him.
Harry Potter had released, I am not sure which part, but it had Voldemort . The scary guy with no nose and very long fingers. Welcome my Voldemort to the story, this bad guy was smarter than me (in looks). He appeared to be good (in looks again, he would open his mouth and that was the end to everything good), though I personally don’t agree to that, public feedback has forced me to mention this.
Everyone knew that I was falling for this girl and even he was updated on everything. He gave me this “Don’t mess with me” look and walked off like a warrior who won a new kingdom. Break over, she walks in, her perfume takes over my senses, I admire her beauty. I sit right next to her, I was about to get the closest view to her reaction. Girls, no matter what, have a soft corner for surprises and chocolates top the list. She opens the desk, My eyes fixed on her face like a nail in the wall. Her eyes were like superman shooting laser, the chocolate would have already melted with embarrassment.
She looks at me “I don’t think you have done this, but again no one else would dare too. Is this yours or should I go complain and get them thrown away”. I smiled, this is a one of the special kind smile, I am trying to smile the same way from a decade, but failed to get it right. The smile stretched from Bombay to Kolkata. I reply “I don’t have the money to buy anyone gifts and why give chocolates when I have mouth and the best appetite for chocolates. Even if such a thought did come in my empty mind, I would prefer to eat them myself. No. These are not mine, if you don’t like, I don’t mind accepting them. I can eat it on your behalf.” She gives this awkward look, “Very Funny. No. This is going in the dustbin. By the way, you are always around the class during break, I am sure you know who kept them here”. Today I regret for answering this question. I choose to give a detailed explanation of everything, frame by frame.
Last time, did I mention she was more courageous than me. Okay, yes she was. The teacher has stepped in but she doesn’t care, she gets up, walks to the other class, voldemort’s class. Yeah, she managed to pick up everything from her desk in her hands and threw it on his face. I don’t know what exactly happened in the other class. But I like to imagine that something like throwing the chocolates on his face and a big insulting lecture was delivered in front of the class and the teacher.
Back to reality, public version of what happened in that class. She enters, no teacher has come in the class. She asks “Where does Voldemort sit”. Everyone at the same time, pointing towards the one who will not be named. He stands up. She walks towards him. Face to Face. “Did you keep them in my desk”. Did I also mention he was more courageous than me and the girl. “Yes” he replied. “Why” she asked. Voldemort gives his charming look, his magic spell “I like you”. Our school is like the birthplace of modern techniques in proposing a girl. He proposed her in front of 41 students, free drama for them. She walks out without a word.
Back to my class, she comes in, perfume takes over my senses, I admire her beauty, and I look into her eyes. Brown center, golden boundary. White ocean and the morning sun. She was looking at the floor. I asked “Did you punch him”? She doesn’t look at me. In soft and sweet tone she replied. “He proposed me in front of everyone!”
I had no words. I was on Maun Vrat. (Meaning Silent Fast. No, I was blank. I just didn’t have anything to say. ) I thought, what on earth is wrong with me, I always manage to say what I feel like to who I feel like. Why can’t I tell her about what I feel for her. Off course she might already know that I do like her.
nuktaachiin hai gam-e-dil us ko sunaaye na bane // kyaa bane baat jahaan baat banaaye na bane
2 Days later : Monday. “Did you accept his proposal?” I questioned her. “What do you expect?” she replied in a bold voice. “How can I expect? It’s your answer and you would know better.” I said.
“Don’t you know my answer?” She asks me. Before I continue, I’ll update you about the weekend. This was revealed to me at later stages. Voldemort had already set up everything. From Chocolates, greetings, love letters and lastly the most powerful weapon, he had convinced a few girls to make up stories about him. These girls played his recorded stories to convince her. Long story short, villains are always cunning and smart. He did everything to change her mind. He just banged it. I was busy planning my moves. No use.
Over the weekend she had answered him “I am not sure but I’ll think about this.” I will tell you how this is processed in a male mind. “You are cool, I like you. Let me tell my friends and set up everything on my side. Consider it a secret yes.”
Back to class:
Girl: Don’t you know my answer?
Me: I would like to know from you, I don’t trust others.
Girl: Ohh is that so. I don’t really like him and all that but he is fine. He is likable you know. (In my mind: Nervous breakdown) “He is not bad or something na, you know about him? You tell me, if he not good for me.
Me: Why do you need a boyfriend? I mean you already have enough friends, right”, I try to convince her.
Girl: Yeah, but what’s the harm. Everyone says he is good.
Me: Am I not good?
Girl: What do you mean? You are not good, why do you ask that?
Me: According to you, a guy just needs to be good to be your boyfriend. So I was thinking, am I eligible?
Girl: It’s just not about good and bad. Wait. Don’t tell me that you like me and all that.
Me: Okay, I won’t tell. You continue.
Girl: No, No. I want to know. You like me kya ?
(In my mind: to tell or not to tell. I may ruin the friendship)
Me: Yeah, somewhat.
Girl: You don’t even know that! What is somewhat? That guy is 100 % confirmed and said it in front of everyone and you are somewhat.
(I hate comparisons, not even 60 seconds and I am suddenly being compared to someone I hate)
Me: Whatever. I don’t want to compete for you and all that. You are not a trophy. I know that I am not good enough but that doesn’t mean that he is very good. We are two different people.
Girl: Yeah, different people. You are Just a Friend (all in caps).
Me: Go. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.
Girl: Go where? Now we are enemies, right?
Me: If we are no longer friends, that doesn’t mean we are enemies. You no longer exist for me.
Girl: I know. Just because I didn’t accept your proposal, I don’t exist right.
Me: No. Because you are going around with someone who doesn’t deserve you. Some day you will realize and regret about your relationship.
Girl: You already wish bad for me. I’ll figure it out. Thanks.
jaur se baaz aaye par baaz aayen kyaa // kahate hain ham tum ko muunh dikhalaayen kyaa.
We don’t talk for about a week. Voldemort is present in our class during breaks. He leaves her something every day. All the stuff no longer goes in the dustbin. Suddenly the quantity of plastic wrappers has increased by 120%. I am not sad or anything. Boarding life has made me like Iron Man. I don’t get affected by anything emotional. I am a guy and some natural processes can’t be ignored, like jealousy, anger, ego and love.
She is still my neighbor, it’s strange, once you have been talking to someone all day long and suddenly you are forced to ignore their presence. You can no longer feel the same for them; the distance makes your desire even stronger. I want to talk. She is happy; I can see that, she also wants to talk to me. But we can’t.
Her perfume gets stronger every day, the morning sun like eyes are brighter and her lips glossier. I still admire her secretly.
“muhabbat men nahiin hai farq jiine aur marane kaa // usii ko dekh kar jiite hain jis kaafir pe dam nikle “
In the meantime, someone else is in love with me. My best friend comes with a proposal for me. “Dude, how can someone fall for me?” I ask him, “The question should be, who the girl is?” I reply “I love someone else. You know everything.”
“Yes but listen…………….”
“phir usii bevafaa pe marate hain // phir vahii zindagii hamaarii hai “
Girl-Love-Fights. The beginning of confusion, fights and drama.